Some Wounds Run Too Deep
by likefallingstars
Summary: Ray has hidden his past carefully from the doctors and nurses at County. And so far, he's done a good job of it. But when tragedy strikes one of their own, how well will he be able to keep up his facade? First ER fic. Please R&R.
1. Dreaming

Disclaimer: I don't own anything except for those people who you do not recognize. Though I do wish that I owned Shane West. But he is my future husband, he just doesn't know it yet.

A/N: Kodac moment! This is my very first ER fic and I hope you all like it. I think that it is really good.

* * *

A teenage boy sat next to the hospital bed, holding its occupant's hand. She was dying and he knew it. Deep down, he knew it. But he didn't want to accept it. His mother's weak grip tightened slightly and it scared him that her strength was waning. "Ray," Emily Barnett said weakly, attempting to regain his attention. Tears in his eyes, 17 year old Ray Barnett replied, "Yeah, mom?"

"Ray," his mom said again. "I'm dying and you have to accept it." Ray shook his head vigorously. He didn't want hid mother to die. "No, mom. You're—"

"Ray," his mother interrupted more forcefully this time. "I know—I know I don't have much longer to live. I love you, Ray, and don't you forget that." Now the tears finally fell as Ray listened to his mother. "Oh, baby," Emily said, reaching up to wipe the tears from her son's eyes. "It's alright. Everything is going to be okay. Don't be afraid."

"No, mom. It won't. What am I going to do without you?"

"Ray," his mom said. "I know this will be hard for you, but you're still a minor and…" Emily sighed, bracing herself for her son's reaction. "Ray, when I die, I want you to live with your father."

Ray stopped. Stopped breathing, thinking. He let his mother's words sink in before sighing shakily. "I—I can't. I can't, mom. He left us. He left us and I can't forgive him for that. I can't live with him." Emily sighed again and Ray realized how tired his mother was. "Please, Ray. Just do this one thing for me. You don't even have to live with him that long. The minute you turn 18 you can move out and live by yourself. I promise you. Everything will be fine."

Ray swallowed the lump forming in his throat. "Okay, mom," he said sincerely. I'll live with him. But only for you." Ray gave his mother's hand another squeeze, reassuring her. Emily smiled and closed her eyes. "I love you, Ray."

"I love you two, mom," Ray said, smiling slightly. Seconds later, Emily Barnett's grip on her son's hand slackened. "Mom?" Ray said frantically. "Mom!" A shrill beep filled the room, but it seemed distant to the teen's ears. He paid no attention to the doctor and nurses who rushed into the room. He wasn't listening when she was pronounced dead.

In a sense, part of him died that night. And though his mother was dead, to him she never looked more beautiful.

* * *

Ray bolted awake in bed, sweating and breathing heavily. He had had that dream. The same dream he had each year. That could only mean one thing. Today was the anniversary of his mother's death. Ten years ago today, he lost the person he cared most about, his mother. Standing slowly, Ray made his way to the bathroom and splashed cold water from the sink on his face. Looking over at the clock, he saw that it read 5:05 am. He had to be at work in forty minutes. Glad that Neela's shift wasn't over and she wasn't home, Ray removed his clothes and hopped in the shower.

20 minutes later, Ray stepped out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel. After pulling on jeans, Ray turned when he heard the door to his apartment opening. Moments later, Neela stepped inside. Shocked to see Ray standing there shirtless, Neela turned red before saying, "Ray, it's ten to six. Don't you have to be at work?"

Looking at the clock, Ray realized she was right. "Shit!" he said, hastily throwing on a shirt. Ray grabbed his things and left quickly, yelling to behind him to Neela as he left, "See you later, Neela!"

* * *

And there you have it. An ER fic by yours truly. Please read and review. Any bad reviews will be fed to the plot bunnies.

piratesofthecarr


	2. Worms?

Disclaimer: I don't own it, although Shane West is my future husband, he just doesn't know it yet

A/N: I am soo sorry that this chapter took so long to get up, but this is the first chance I've had to sit down and post it. So I hope you all like it. I especially like Susan's part in this chapter.

**Anti-social-turtle**: As per your request, here I am, continuing.  
**XRachX**: I am so glad that you thought I was brilliant. I also thought the first chapter was a bit short, but it is only the first chapter.  
**Deana**: ith his father had not been easy. Passing through a light, Ray slipped into a memory.  
**Jetsfanforlyfe**: Yes, my friend, I have posted. But you know what? You're not special so, I'm not gonna answer your review here. I already did it in person!  
**Jessileigh**: Your waiting is finally over. Here's more!  
**Espergirl04**: I'm glad the summary interested you. That is the point of a summary, correct? I'm glad you like it.

* * *

As Ray was driving to County, he was thinking about the promise he made to his mother. Living with his father had not been easy. Passing through a light, Ray slipped into a memory.

:Flashback:

The door slammed shut as Ray angrily stormed out of the house. Michael Barnett, his father, hurried out after him. "Will you just calm down, Ray?" his father asked.

"Calm down?" Ray half shouted. "You want me to calm down? You left me, left us, when I was 4. The only indication that you were even alive was the bit of money you sent every year. And now that mom's dead, you want us to be a family again? I don't think so. You don't care about me and I could care even less about you. I'm only doing this for mom!"

With that, Ray turned and ran down the street. Michael shouted after him, "Ray!" but Ray wasn't paying attention. When he was far enough away, Ray slowed down to a walk, though he wasn't paying attention to his surroundings. Unknowingly stepping in front of a car, he jumped out of the way when a car honked.

:Flashback:

Ray was jerked back to the present as a car honked its horn. Swerving to the right, he narrowly missed hitting the other car. Getting back on course, Ray was relieved to find that he was almost at County. Parking his car, Ray jumped out and rushed into the ER. "You're late," Abby said to him. "I know, I know," Ray replied, rushing to throw his stuff in his locker. Returning to the admit desk, Ray asked, "What have we got?"

"Broken wrist in 2, chest pain in 1, and some guy who thinks he's a bird in 3," Susan said, shoving some charts into Ray's arms. Nodding, Ray headed toward Exam 2. The broken wrist would be easiest.

Stepping into the room, Ray saw a boy with his mother. The boy was sitting on the bed holding his wrist. Moving closer, he said, "Hey, buddy." Catching the boy's attention, he sat down next to him in a chair. "My name's Dr. Barnett and I'm gonna have a look at you." Nodding, the boy said, "I'm Boone."

"So, what are you here for?" Ray asked, wanting to hear from the kid himself. "My wrist hurts," the boy half whispered. "I think it's broken," his mother added quickly. Ray nodded, taking into account what both of them said. Turning to Boone, Ray said, "Well, I'm gonna look at your wrist to see if it is broken and if I think it is, we're gonna take some x-rays to see exactly what's wrong so we can reset the bone and then give you a cool cast. How do you like that?"

Nodding vigorously, Boone replied in excitement, "Okay." Then thinking, he added, "Can I get a blue cast? It reminds me of the light sabers from Star Wars."

* * *

After collecting and finishing a few more charts, Ray figured he would tackle the guy in Exam 3. Approaching the door, he carefully opened it to see a man on the bed. He was restrained and Ray wondered why. Looking to Haleh, she answered, "He tried to 'fly' out a window, so we had to restrain him." Making a face that said 'okay, that's weird,' Ray carefully approached the man in the bed. "Mr. Clarke," Ray addressed the man, referring to his chart. "I'm Dr. Barnett. I'm going to try and help you." Bad idea. 

"The only thing I need help with," Mr. Clarke shouted, "is getting out of this damned place!" Sighing, Ray said, "Mr. Clarke, you tried to jump out of a win—"

"Fly," the man corrected. "I tried to fly from my nest to find food."

"Uh huh," Ray responded. "Mr. Clarke? Have you taken any drugs lately?" Looking skeptically at Ray, Mr. Clarke replied, "Of course not. Why do you ask?"

"Mr. Clarke, you think you're a bird," Ray stated simply. "Of course I think I'm a bird because I _am_ a bird!" The man replied outraged. Unconsciously, Ray took a step backwards. Still staring at the man, Ray said to Haleh, "Order a tox screen for Mr. Bird-man, here." Laughing silently, Haleh did so. Now speaking to the man, Ray said, "Mr. Clarke, I'm gonna go see if I can…find you some worms. Yeah, that's it. Worms. I'll be back." Turning, Ray hastily left the room.

* * *

"Tox screen's back on your bird guy," Haleh said, poking her head into Curtain 2. Turning to the nurse, Ray said, "Thanks. Just a sec." Turning back to the girl in the soccer uniform, Ray said, checking her chart, "Okay, Brooke. It says here that you're here for breathing problems." 

"There's no reason for me to be here," the 15 year old said. "It was only my asthma, but it was a little worse today. I'll be fine." Laughing and bowing his head slightly, Ray said, "That is for me to decide." Quickly examining the teen's breathing, Ray gave her some Singulair and advised her to see her pediatrician as soon as she could before discharging her.

Walking back to Exam Room 3, Ray picked up Mr. Clarke's chart, reading over the results from the tox screen. When he sighed, Mr. Clarke looked up. "Oh, good," the man said. "You're back. Did you get the worms?"

Rolling his eyes and shaking his head, Ray chose not to reply, instead saying, "Mr. Clarke, there's traces of LSD in your system. If you don't get help, it could result in serious injury to yourself or someone else. Now, judging by your actions, I suspect the drug is still affecting you. We can either wait until you are healthy enough to properly choose, or you can decide now." Pausing for a second to see if he garnered a response from the drugged patient, Ray continued. "Well, Mr. Clarke, I'll be back in a while to check on you."

* * *

A/N: And there you have it. Chapter 2 of who knows how many chapters. I hope you liked it. Please review! 

piratesofthecarr


	3. Headaches Suck

Disclaimer: I don't own…wait…wait…I think I'm getting something…wait…wait…no. It was just a fluke.

A/N: Oh. My. God.I am so. Sorry. I really didn't mean for this update to take this long. And now that I did, I only added a few paragraphs. I know, I know what you're thinking. "Only a few paragraphs! Whats up with that?" But never fear. The next update will be by the end of this week. I promise. But make sure you read those couple of paragraphs!

* * *

The ER had been quiet and slow for a couple of hours, giving Ray some free time. And considering the day, that was something he didn't want. Always doing something kept him from remembering. Ray unconsciously shuddered slightly just from the thought.

"Are you okay, Ray?" someone asked. Abby had noticed. "What? Oh, yeah. Just a headache," Ray said automatically. "Maybe you should take something for it." "I'm fine, Abby." Shrugging, Abby simply said, "Okay."

_Headaches_, Ray thought. Even those gave him memories.

:Flashback:

Ray opened the front door and stepped inside the house. Dropping his bag on the floor, he went into the kitchen to find his mom making dinner. "Hey, mom," he said. "Hi Ray," Emily said, smiling. "How was school?" Ray replied, "Fine." Nodding, Emily returned to making dinner.

Ray grabbed an apple and began eating it. The following events seemed to take an eternity. As Emily was tossing the salad, she suddenly began dropping to the floor. Running forward, Ray caught his mother before she hit the ground. "Mom?" he asked in concern. "Are you okay? What happened?" As she began to sit up, Ray let his mother go. "Don't worry," Emily replied. "I'm fine. Just a sudden headache. That's all." Ray looked at his mother doubtfully. That," he said, "was not a headache."

Standing, Emily insisted, "I'm fine, really. It's nothing." Watching her carefully, Ray said, "I think you should go to the hospital and get checked out." "Ray," his mother said to him. "It was _just_ a headache." Ray stared at his mother. Sighing, Emily gave in. "Fine," she said, setting down her spoon. "If it's that important to you, we'll go to the Emergency Room." Smiling, Ray nodded. "Okay. But I'm driving." Emily smiled at her son, and he smiled back.

Getting into the car, Ray was overcome with slight worry for his mother. He hoped nothing was wrong with her.

:Flashback:

Ray placed his head in his hands and leaned on the admit desk. That had been the first sign of the cancer that killed his mother. A few unknown tears escaped his eyes. "Ray?" Abby asked him. "Ray, are you sure you're okay?" "I'm fine, Abby," Ray replied, more harshly than he had intended.

"Abby, Ray," Susan said, breaking apart their conversation. "I need you. We've got an MVA coming in about 5 minutes. The two of them nodded before heading in separate ways to prepare for the incoming trauma.

"26 year old female," the EMT said as she stepped out of the ambulance. Abby, Ray, and Carter gathered around the gurney and began bringing it inside. "On the receiving end of the accident. Hit and run. BP 110/80, pulse ox 93. Mild concussion, contusions to the head and chest."

As they entered the hospital, the woman began to come around. When she woke, Carter asked her, "Ma'am, can you tell me your name?" "Sara," she answered painfully. "Sara Black. Where am I? How'd I get here?" "You're at County General Hospital in the ER. Do you remember what happened?"

"She lost consciousness," Abby told him. Upon reaching the Trauma room, Carter started shouting orders to the nurses.

"Carter?" Abby asked, looking up at him. "The EMT said contusions to the head and chest, right?" Nodding, Carter replied, "Yeah, why?" Sighing, Abby said, "She has bruising on her lower back."

Suddenly, Ray looked up. He knew what this meant; he had seen it before…

:Flashback:

Ray and his mom sat in the hospital room waiting for the oncologist to reenter. Ray squeezed his mom's hand in reassurance. Seconds later, Dr. Wilson entered the room. Sitting in a chair by the small family, he addressed her, "Mrs. Barnett, I'm sorry, but the tests came back positive for Acute Myeloid Leukemia. We can start treatment immediately…"

The rest of his words seemed useless to Ray. _Cancer,_ the 16 year old thought. _She can't have cancer. It's not possible. _

Later when the two of them got home, Ray went up to his room. Letting down the walls he had built to support his mother at the hospital, he leaned against his wall and sank to the floor. Pulling his knees up to his chest, he hugged them and lay his head on top, crying openly.

:Flashback:

"Ray!"

Ray was shaken out of his reverie when Abby shouted his name. He looked over at his fellow intern, questioning. "Call oncology and get them down here, now."

* * *

piratesofthecarr


	4. Can You Hear Me?

Disclaimer: My owning status hasn't changed. And I don't think it ever will. Unless maybe I become an accountant… (…Lauren…careers…)

A/N: Dun dun dun dun! The next chapter! And I've got some slight Carby-ness. I just had to put some in there. Just a tad.

**jetsfanforlyfe: **It sounds familiar, does it... I wonder why...  
**XRachX:** Well, I suppose I listened to your advice about not worrying about when I updated. But here it is, finally. Chapter four.  
**ShastenRothe:** I love cliffhangers! They're just so amazing, wouldn't you agree?  
**krazypirategurl:** Thank you.  
**deana:** A Rabby... I don't think so... but maybe something else which I have recently come to adore...  
**E.R LOVER05:** I'm glad you feel sorry for Ray. I would too, if I hadn't written this.

And now...on to the show!

**

* * *

**

Ray stepped into Trauma 1 with Sara Black's chart, prepared to tell her the news. He sighed heavily before moving over to her bed. "Miss Black," he began, addressing her. "Before, we, um, we found—well, what I mean is—" Ray sighed again. How was he going to say this to her? This was the same cancer that his mother had. It was untreatable, incurable. There was no doubt that she would die. Normally, this would not bother Ray, but not today. Not on this day when the memory of his mother was so fresh in his memory. Briefly closing his eyes, Ray said, "I'm sorry, but could you excuse me for a moment?"

Lowering the chart, Ray quickly left the room. Walking to the admit desk, Ray passed by Abby. "Abby," he said quickly, stopping her in her tracks. "What is it?" she asked him. "Could you do this for me?" he asked, giving her the chart. "I need to go do something quickly."

Taking the chart from him, Abby said with slight reluctance, "Uh, sure. Is anything wrong?" Shaking his head, Ray replied, "No, I'm fine, I just, need to get something." He turned and briskly walked away, leaving Abby staring after him.

Ray walked toward the doors and proceeded outside. Heading to his car, he got in and quickly drove away. Ray slammed his fist against the steering wheel and leaned back in the seat. "I can't believe it," he said to himself. "I choked. I just—choked." Sighing, he kept his eyes on the road. He came to a green light and passed through it, closing his eyes for a second. When he opened them, he looked out of his left window and saw a car speeding down the road right at him.

There wasn't enough time for Ray to get out of the way. It took a split second for the guy to impact. The car was flung to the side as Ray was hit, sending his body flying. There was blood everywhere. The last thing Ray remembered was excruciating pain before he entered complete darkness.

* * *

"Hey," Carter said coming up behind Abby. "Hey," Abby replied as they quickly kissed. 

A couple of minutes later, Susan passed by them talking, saying to them, "We've got a trauma coming in. Another MVA. I'm gonna need both of you guys. And have either of you seen Ray?" Carter shook his head and Abby said, "No, not for a while. Last I saw him he said he had to go get something." Sighing, Susan said, "Well, if you see him, tell him we're gonna need him for this." As she left, Abby and Carter wondered if it was the same guy from before had caused this accident since the last one was a hit and run.

Running out to the ambulance bay, Susan, Luka, and Haleh ran over to the first ambulance to arrive. "32 year old male," the EMT said, "Same guy as the hit and run before. Blood alcohol level of 0.18, BP 100/85, pulse ox 90." They quickly went inside and hurried to the recently vacated Trauma 1.

As the second ambulance came in, Carter, Abby, and Sam ran over to meet it. "27 year old male, BP 90/70, pulse ox—" "Oh my god," Abby cut him off, putting her hand over her mouth. Looking up at Carter, she said, "It's Ray."

* * *

When Ray woke up, all he was aware of was pain. When he realized where he was, he moaned slightly. Noticing, Carter spoke to him. "Ray," he said loudly so he could hear. "Can you hear me?" 

Ray nodded as much as was allowed. "Do you remember what happened to you?" "It hurts," Ray moaned. "I know it hurts," Carter said patiently, "but can you tell me why it hurts?" Squeezing his eyes shut against the pain, Ray gasped out, "I was—my car—was hit—" Ray stopped short as it was too painful for him to even talk. Ray's breathing came in short gasps. "All right," Carter said. "Ray, we're going to have to intubate you."

As Ray began drifting towards unconsciousness, Abby came around with the ET tube. "Got it," Abby said a few seconds later. "Bag him," Carter said to her, moving around to get a better look at his arm.

* * *

A/N: And there you have it, Chapter 4. Now review, review, review! If you do, then I can feed the plot bunnies, because they need some sustenance. And once they get that sustenance, I can post the next chapter! Oh, yeah. And the guy who hit Ray -- That was a Mr. Runkle no-no.

PS: If you review, I will love you forever!

piratesofthecarr


	5. You Can Tell Me

Disclaimer: Not mine. Though I did have a dream where Jonny Was played at my school and then Shane West drove me home because our entire bus missed the bus. Weird.

A/N: Happy belated Christmas, Chanukah, and Kwanzaa everyone:D My present to all of you is part 5 of 'Some Wounds Run Too Deep.' Hope you like it!

* * *

The phone rang in the apartment and Neela picked it up saying, "Hello?" "Hi, Neela? This is Dr. Carter." 

"Dr. Carter?" Neela asked into the phone. "What is it?" She heard Carter sigh on the other end of the phone. "I think you should come to County. It's Ray."

"Oh god," Neela breathed. "What happened?"

"He was in an accident. Right now he's in the OR, but you should probably be here in case he wakes up." Neela nodded (more to herself than Carter because he was on the phone.) "Okay. I'll get there as soon as I can."

"Bye." "Bye."

Hanging up the phone, Neela sighed. "What have you gotten yourself into, Ray?" she wondered out loud to herself. Grabbing her purse, she made to leave. Before she did, she thought of something. Picking up the phone again, she dialed a number. After three rings, the person on the other end picked up.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Bret. It's Neela."

* * *

Neela stood outside the ER waiting for Bret. A few minutes later, she saw him running toward her. "How is he?" Bret asked as soon as hereached her. "I don't know," Neela said shaking her head. "I haven't gone in yet." 

"Well, come on," Bret said impatiently, walking purposefully into County. The doctor quickly hurried after him. Rushing to get there before Bret, Neela reached the admit desk. "Where is he?" she asked Jerry. "Who?"

"I swear, Jerry—"

"Neela," Carter said coming over to them "He's up in ICU, but he's probably not awake. Nodding (this time_ to_ Carter), Neela said, "Thanks," before heading toward the elevators, Bret following quickly behind her.

When they reached ICU, Neela inquired about Ray. She and Bret headed toward Ray's room. Following the directions given, she quickly found him. Upon seeing Ray's condition, Neela gasped. He had an IV in his left arm. The other lay across his stomach in a cast. He had also fractured his collar bone and dislocated his knee. His head was wrapped in gauze and to top it all off, he was breathing off of a ventilator due to a collapsed lung.

"Oh man, Barnett," Bret breathed. Fighting back tears, Neela entered the room and sat in a chair next to him. "Oh, Ray," Neela sighed, stroking his cheek. Tears ran down her cheeks, clouding her vision.

She sat there for a few minutes, taking in Ray's condition, mentally assessing the damage. Bret stood behind her, worry for his friend and band member consuming him. Standing, Neela whispered to Bret, "Let's go. He probably won't be waking for a while."

* * *

Two weeks later, Ray woke from his coma, yet he was extremely groggy and unaware of his surroundings because of a concussion. So for the next couple of days, all he did was sleep. He wasn't allowed to have any visitors, so his friends and colleagues waited. 

Four days later, he was breathing well enough on his own to be off of the ventilator, but he would occasionally need an oxygen mask. That afternoon, a nurse came into Ray's room and told him that someone was there to see him. Hoping it was Bret or even Neela, he looked toward the door. He was a bit surprised to find Wendal walking into the room.

"Hi, Ray," she said, walking over to his bed. "Hi," he rasped out in slight surprise. "Mind if I sit down?" she asked him. Ray shook his head as much as was allowed in his condition. Pulling over the chair, Wendal sat next to the bed. "So, how are you?"

"Fine," Ray replied sincerely. Nodding, Wendal said, "Everyone down in the ER is worried about you." "I'm fine." Shaking her head, Wendal said, "Not about your physical being, exactly, but your…life. They noticed you were acting weird the other day. Want to tell me what's going on?"

_This is all because I accidentally donated that one guy's organs_, Ray thought jokingly, _isn't it?_ Sighing, Ray replied, "I was just… having an off day. That's all. Nothing out of the ordinary." Not really believing him, but not wanting to press the matter, Wendal said, "All right, But if you ever want to talk about anything, I'm here." _Yeah, because that's your job_, Ray thought as he said goodbye to Wendal. Sighing again, Ray closed his eyes and attempted to fall asleep.

* * *

Back down in the ER, Wendal was talking to Abby, Neela, and Carter. "Well," she said, explaining her talk with Ray, "he said it was just an off day, but I don't believe him, and I'm sure you don't either. I couldn't get anything out of him, but maybe one of you can." 

"I'll talk to him," Neela said. "See if he'll tell me anything. If not, I could always get Bret to. I'm sure he wouldn't mind." The others nodded and Carter said, "All right. You can go later. We're not that busy, so missing one doctor for a while won't be too bad."

* * *

A couple hours later, Neela visited Ray. Walking into the room, she smiled when she saw that he was awake. "Ray," she said, catching his attention. Turning to her, he replied, "Hey." Pulling the chair over to the bed, Neela sat with Ray.

"Hey, Ray?" Neela asked him after a couple of minutes. "Yeah?" Sighing, Neela ventured to ask, "What happened?" Eyeing her suspiciously, Ray replied, "What do you mean?"

"With the accident," Neela clarified. "It was a car accident, Neela. They happen sometimes. You're a doctor, you know that." Neela sighed again. "You know what I mean, Ray."

"Actually, I—"

"Your shift wasn't even close to over. You should have been in County, not a car." "I...had a gig," Ray told her with an air of uncertainty. "Yeah, right." Neela said. "If you had a gig, then why was Bret home? I'm not stupid, Ray. I know you didn't tell Wendal everything. But you can tell me, Ray. I'm here for you."

Ray looked away from his room mate, not wanting to tell her about his past. A couple of tears sprang to his eyes.

"Ray?" Neela asked in concern. Quickly blinking them away, Ray replied, "It's nothing." Relenting, Neela said, "Okay. But, you know, Ray, whatever this is, it'll help you to talk about it. Oh, and Ray?"

"Yeah?" "You need to get better soon. Things aren't the same without you. The apartment's actually clean. And quiet. And I don't come home to find random guys in my apartment." Ray laughed at her jest at him, which turned out to be a mistake. It soon turned into a coughing fit which resulted in him not being able to breathe. "Oh, god," Neela said. "Hold on, Ray." Running to the door, she yelled for someone to come and help. A nurse ran into the room. Moving to check on Ray, Neela stopped her. "I don't know what they're giving him for it, but he can't breathe."

Nodding in understanding, the nurse gave Ray oxygen and then checked his vitals. "Just relax and breathe, Ray," Neela said, soothing him. As his fit began to subside, the nurse left the room. Moving some hair off of his face, Neela asked Ray, "Are you okay?" His eyes closed, Ray simply nodded in response.

* * *

A/N: So… a bit of Ray/Neela going on there. Hmmm. I wonder what's going to happen. Well, actually, I don't. But you might! 


	6. Make It Go Away

Disclaimer: I hope you know by now that I don't own this. Mmhmm. Yup. I do not own ER. Or Shane. Sad really. But that's okay. Just kidding!

A/N: Well, this chapter is kinda short. And I think the next one is even shorter. But I didn't want to combine them because, well… they're the last two chapters! Isn't it sad? But let us live in the present, not the future, and read this chapter. :D

* * *

"Hi, Ray." Ray turned his head quickly at the sound of the familiar voice. A voice he hadn't heard in years. Standing in the doorway was Michael Barnett. Narrowing his eyes, Ray asked darkly, "What are you doing here?" Ignoring his son's tone of voice, Michael replied, "I heard you had gotten hurt and I came to see if you were okay." 

"Oh, so now you care," Ray scoffed. Sighing, Michael said, "Look, Ray. I'm really sorry things between us weren't so good—" "You're damn right," Ray nearly growled to his father. "But," Michael continued, "I thought maybe we could make things straight. Start over."

"I was four," Ray said, almost in a whisper. "And you left. I still loved you, and then I stopped caring. And then when mom—" Michael interrupted him, "_Don't_ turn this into something about you're mother."

"But it is! It always is. You weren't there for her when she needed you most," Ray countered, his anger rising slightly. "You weren't there for me." Moving closer, Michael said to his son, "Ray, I am so sorry. If—"

"No. No, you're not. You just think that by saying that, it will make you feel better. You never used to care about me and you don't care now." "Ray, you know that's not true."

"Then why did you leave?" Ray asked, quieting considerably. Shaking his head, Ray continued sarcastically, "Well, you said you were sorry. Do you feel better now?" "Ray—" "Just leave," Ray almost spat, trying to hide the bit of moisture forming in his eyes. "Just—just leave."

Not wishing to further upset his son, Michael Barnett sighed, then simply turned and left. When his father was finally gone, Ray slipped into a flashback.

:Flashback:

Ray sat outside his father's house leaning against the wall. It was a few days after his mother's funeral. Tears slipped down his face. A few minutes later, his father came looking for him. "Ray?" Ray looked up briefly, but upon seeing who it was, he looked back down. "Come on, Ray," his father tried. "Let's go inside." Getting no response, Michael reached down to pick his son up. At his touch, Ray jerked away. "_Don't_ touch me," Ray said, his words like venom.

"Ray, you can't just—"

"I can do whatever the hell I want." Michael sighed. "Ray—" "Your DNA may say that you're my father, but you know what? You're not," Ray said pointedly. Before his father could reply, however, Ray continued.

"You know, when you left, I thought it was my fault. I really did. Like I had done something wrong. And then I thought it was mom's fault, and I hated her for it. But then I realized there was only one person to blame. And that one person was you.

"When mom got sick, I didn't know what to think. You have no clue how hard it was on me. Being only 16 and having to take care of your dying mother. Driving her to the hospital for her chemo. They gave her two years. She barely made one. I was with her every day after school and on weekends when she was admitted to the hospital. And where were you?"

Ray stood to walk away, but Michael held him there. "Let me go," Ray said through gritted teeth. "No," his father said firmly, tightening his hold. "You are going to listen to me and listen to me well. First off, there were a lot of reasons why I left. Reasons you don't need to know. Second, there was no possible way for me to get to your mother. Besides, I didn't want to upset you by coming."

"Yeah right," Ray said as his father released his hold slightly.

"You blame me, Ray. You hate me. And do you want to know why? Because deep down inside, you think that it's your fault she died."

"Shut up," Ray said warningly.

"But you couldn't save her, Ray. There was no possible way. She's dead, Ray. She's dead."

"Shut up!" Ray shouted hysterically, attempting to hit his father. "Just shut up!" Michael Barnett grabbed his son's wrists as Ray flailed against him. Ray began sobbing as his father pulled him into a deep, sincere hug. Ray leaned on his father, sobbing into his shoulder.

:Flashback:

* * *

When Neela visited Ray a couple hours later, he was sleeping once again. Neela was not surprised by this. She sat there with him until he began to stir. "Hey. How are you feeling?" "Fine," Ray answered. "I, uh, I heard your dad visited," Neela said after a bit. Ray had never spoken about his family before and she wasn't sure how he would react. 

"Yeah," Ray replied quietly. "He—he didn't stay long." Slightly puzzled about his tone of voice, Neela asked, "Why not?"

"He just didn't," Ray answered plainly. "Was something wrong?" Neela continued out of concern "God, Neela," Ray burst out, "will you just drop it? You don't need to know every aspect of my life!"

Shocked that he had raised his voice at her, Neela simply stammered, "I—I'm sorry, Ray. I just—" "Forget it, Neela, alright?" Ray scoffed, turning away from her.

Blinking, Neela merely stared at him for a few seconds before quietly standing and leaving the room.

* * *

A/N: And there you have it. Chapter 5. Please review, because I seem to be suffering from review withdrawal! 


	7. Let Me Know

Disclaimer: Does anyone even read these…?

A/N: Aaahhh! I can't believe this is the last chapter of this fic! Aaahhh! There _is_ an epilogue, so this isn't the complete end. But aaahhh! Oh, and don't worry. There's plenty more where this came from. :D

* * *

Neela entered the unusually quiet apartment. She had grown accustomed to it, but today she could almost hear the silence. Sighing, Neela went into her room to change. It was almost 2 weeks since Neela had approached Ray about his father. His reaction was unnerving. They had apologized to each other about it, but she still worried about him. She and Ray had become close friends.

_I need him to open up to someone_, Neela thought as she entered the kitchen. After grabbing a water bottle from the fridge, she sat on the couch to think. Almost as quickly as she sat sown, she stood back up, grabbing her things and heading back out the door.

"I figured it out," Neela said as she entered Ray's room. He had recently been moved from ICU to the regular hospital floor. "What?" asked Ray in confusion. "Your problem."

"I don't **have** a problem."

"Yes, you do," Neela answered. "You just don't want to tell anyone about it."

"Have you been hanging out with Bret lately, because—" Neela cut him off by softly hitting him on the arm. "I'm being serious." Ray sighed, saying, "Sorry. I just really need to get out of this hospital."

"Hate being the patient, huh?" Neela asked him. "Yeah, don't rub it in," Ray said smiling.

"How's your relationship with your dad?" Neela asked, abruptly changing the subject. Sighing and rolling his eyes, ray replied, "Not again—its fine Neela."

Also sighing, Neela said, "do you want me to do this the easy way or the hard way?"

"Do **_what_**?"

"Get this thing out of you! You're not well, Ray—"

"Well, obviously. I mean—"

"Mentally!"

"So you think I'm crazy?"

"No, just stubborn and proud," Neela stated, turning her back on her coworker. The next thing she heard startled her slightly.

"My father left when I was four. It was just my mother and me." Neela took a seat next to Ray's bed, listening. The young doctor's head was down and he was mumbling slightly. "We were fine for a while, except for the growing hate I felt for him."

Ray sighed. "She, uh…we found out she had cancer. Acute Myeloid Leukemia. I was 16. She died three months after my 17 birthday."

"I'm so sorry, Ray," Neela said, comforting him. She caringly wiped a tear from his cheek. Ray lifted his hand to wipe his eyes. Continuing, Ray laughed humorlessly. "And the worst of it is, after she died, I had to go live with him. I had to live with him, Neela. I had to live with the person I hated most in the world." Halfway through, Ray had begun crying freely.

Reaching forward, Neela cradled Ray in her arms, letting him cry into her, soothing him. "Shhh, it's okay, Ray. It's okay. You'll be okay now." And they sat there like that: Ray crying, Neela soothing, and neither ever knew for how long.

* * *

A/N: So, there it is. Ray opened up to Neela. I wonder what will happen next. Hmmm… :thinks: Oh, wait, ha, I know the answer to that! Hehe. By the way, after I finish this fic, I'm changing my username. So I'll post it in the epilogue. See you there.

Don't forget to review, because you know you love me. :D


	8. Epilogue

Disclaimer: For the last time, I DON'T OWN THIS!

A/N: Ah, so we have reached the end of this long road. And let me tell you, it has been a looong road. And I'm glad that you stuck with me. I must admit, this fic isn't the greatest. And I'm fine with that. But I will have many more, and each time they'll just get better. Well, you guys have been great. And now, the epilogue… (fade to black. hehe.)

PS: Sorry the end was missing the last time I posted this. It's here now!

* * *

Ray looked down at Neela who had sprawled across the bed, her head resting in his lap. He smiled as he looked over at her left hand. A diamond ring sparkled on her ring finger. 

Looking over at the clock, Ray absently began playing with his fiancée's hair. 6:00 am. He couldn't believe it had already been a year. His emotions were much more stable now. And now he knew that if he ever needed someone to talk to, he could always go to Neela.

With that thought, he bent over and whispered in her ear. "Neela. Neela, you have to wake up."

"S'matter?" Neela asked groggily. Ray laughed at her response.

"You need to be at County in an hour," he whispered. Groaning, Neela sat up, rubbing sleep from her eyes. Ray watched as the made her way into the bathroom. Pausing in the doorway, Neela turned, looking at Ray, concern in her eyes.

"Ray? Are you - are you okay?"

Ray smiled widely. "I've never been better."

* * *

A/N: Short, sweet, the end. Review, give me some ideas, let me know your thoughts. It's been fun. See you guys around from my new username: breakinfreex 


End file.
